Ab hinc

we are looking at moving for sure, even though d does not have a solid answer from his employer. 
i am terrified
i do not want to leave here yet
i am not ready
i have made so few friends, but i do not want to say good-bye
i don't want to pack up our house and move to the unknown
the known is much safer
but, Jesus did not call me to live in a safe little box
i am called to be a light
sometimes, i am on a dimmer switch
ok, all the time, really
i never shine brightly
only when things are really tough and i don't want to call attention to myself
i am to support my husband
i want to see him succeed
and, so, we move...
even though i am terrified

so, my husband found out about some negative things at his workplace, and it is big enough that we are probably putting in for a transfer...wow...we have only been here since 2005, and now we may be moving...there is so much to think about if we do...sell, rent, buy, packing, taking out a loan to move...uprooting ourselves after we finally got adjusted to life here...going back to a big city...no snow!!...lots of HEAT...so many things...i am overwhelmed...but it would be such a good move for us, and D would be set up to succeed, as here he is truly doomed to fail with the way things are set up at his job...i am glad we found out now, though, before things got really bad...now i just have to refocus my energies..

is this truly where God wants us?  or does He want us to step out in faith and move?  or is it about having faith to stay?  who knows yet?

D had his mid year review at work, and he didn't get a raise like he was hoping for...so now he is focusing on the negative and talking about the possibility of not being there in one year...how are we going to pay the bills...will i have to go back to work...maybe i should just go to seminary now full time, and both of us work part time...

me? i wish we could just get through the day, this week, and maybe the month...but mostly just today.  i want to share with him the ab hinc philosophy...from here on...it will get better...we have a job, we can pay our bills, we have clothes, food, and our children are healthy...my cancer is gone for 9 years now...we love each other..married life is good...most importantly...we have Jesus...

God has never left us in a lurch...we have never been dry...we have never needed for anything...we have never had to choose between eating and paying the electric bill...

we don't have the big tv or a satellite dish...we don't have new cars or designer clothes...we shop at walmart because we have to...we can go out to eat every now and then...life is good...

i heard an amazing woman speak today when i was at mops

her name was patti davis, and she spoke of great faith in God, faith beyond my own understanding

how do you know a man for 23 years, and not know him.  after 23 yrs of marriage, her husband left her for a world of alcohol and sex...an addictive lifestyle he had been engaged in for years.  he said he was a christian, a believer on the surface, but hiding a secret life. 

after 7 more years, God worked on his heart, he hit rock bottom, and changed.  he came back to his (ex)wife...and they remarried on their 30th wedding anniversary. 

can you imagine?  the level of forgiveness it would take to accept him back?  to believe he had changed?  to love him again?  it is beyond me.

but an awesome testimony of the truly amazing power of God.  He seeks His children as a shepherd seeks after the one lost sheep and rejoices when it is found.

Amen.

today has gone relatively well...yesterday, well, it is yesterday...and it is done and over with...i didn't manage to exercise, and i didn't eat too well...i managed, barely, to keep a lid on the temper with the boys, and A had a good day especially with her napping...today, we got up on time, ate breakfast without incident, and then made it to CBS on time!  i led worship, but was a little off from the piano (the monitor wasn't on), and then went to my group even tho i did not finish the lesson for the week...maybe this week will be different! ha, ha!  right now, J is sleeping, N is on his computer doing a math program, and A should wake any time for her next feeding!  i wish she would take a bottle already so i could pump and get some freedom...i  can only leave the house for a few hours at a time, if that!  at least she is sleeping in 6-8 hour chunks at night!  i want to get a little work done today...i am staying at home, but we have a home business that we are hoping will make enough to keep me home to homeschool...otherwise, i have to go back to the world of nursing and 12 hour shifts...they aren't so bad, but since A won't take a bottle, we are kind of stuck for now...we are introducing the sippy cup this week!

this is my first post on a blog site...i would have never pictured this 10 years ago!  this morning was the typical morning...my husband got up at 0530 to go to his weekly men's bible study...i had already been up once at 0400 to nurse my baby girl, A, and i was dead tired.  i was very grateful that N and J decided to sleep in til 7ish...then i heard them trooping up the stairs...at least they weren't yelling at each other in bed...which is the way we usually start the day!  the plan for today is to eat well (ha!) exercise for twenty minutes, and the rest of the time just try to remember that my children are learning their character from me...i am praying that i will have patience today with my boys, a gentle spirit with my husband, and discipline to maintain self-control...i am going to try to finish my bible study that is due tomorrow...i am part of an int'l bible study group here, and it is very challenging...we are studying I and II Corinthinans right now...and i am learning a lot about what God expects of me as His child...I am grateful to be adopted into His family....His grace and mercy are truly evident in my life, thank goodness!